


I Would Never Be Strong Enough

by Bfly1225



Category: Gentleman Bastard Sequence - Scott Lynch
Genre: Black orchid - Freeform, Ezri lives AU, F/M, Jean is a sadman, Mention of Captain Drakasha, Mention of Death, dont let the name fool you it's not too sad, locke is a glib bastards (nothing new there)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bfly1225/pseuds/Bfly1225
Summary: The aftermath of the battle was gruesome in a way that Locke was unsure he’d ever imagined before. He was left, relatively alone, on the deck of the Black Orchid, watching as the dead were accounted for. Enemy sailors were given brief prayers, vague curtsies that stemmed more from fear of the Lady Most Kind than respect for the dead as they were thrown overboard for what may find and scavenge them.Locke, however, was left to stare at the carnage of men and women on either side, all the same in the grave, quite by himself.Jean was quite occupied elsewhere, where Locke dared not follow him for all his glib taunting of life.
Relationships: Ezri Delmastro/Jean Tannen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	I Would Never Be Strong Enough

**Author's Note:**

> First Gentleman Bastards fic! Woot!

The aftermath of the battle was gruesome in a way that Locke was unsure he’d ever imagined before. He was left, relatively alone, on the deck of the Black Orchid, watching as the dead were accounted for. Enemy sailors were given brief prayers, vague curtsies that stemmed more from fear of the Lady Most Kind than respect for the dead as they were thrown overboard for what may find and scavenge them.

Locke, however, was left to stare at the carnage of men and women on either side, all the same in the grave, quite by himself. 

Jean was quite occupied elsewhere, where Locke dared not follow him for all his glib taunting of life.

Ezri screamed as the ropes were tightened, a sound so pain-filled and helpless that it wrenched Jean's gods-damned heart every time.

“Damn it, somebody knock her out!" A physiker cried, sharpening tools on his table "And hold her tight! I can't afford to miss!

Jean looked around, feeling the eyes on him. Nobody dared harm the lieutenant, even when it was to help her. 

"Sorry, love," he grunted, and punched her roughly. She went slack in an instant, which also had the unfortunate side effect of turning his stomach. Like she were dead, which she should be, after that fool’s errand, she shouldn’t have done that- 

"Son, I wouldn't call you a coward if you waited outside," the physiker rested a hand on Jean's shoulder, squeezing, and only then did he realize how clenched his jaw was, and how much he must have looked like a killer more than he had when he’d had Uther’s blood on his hands. 

"No, I have to be here for her." Jean replied, desperately stubborn, but he stared at her, arm damaged beyond all recognition, stomach covered in red blisters from where the heat had travelled through her elderglass armor. So still. So damaged. And yet, still beautiful. 

He could lose her, today. Amputation was risky. Even on a well-stocked ship like Drakasha’s, Ezri could get infected. Ezri could die today. 

"You'll be there when she wakes up. Please, it would be easier with you outside." The physiker insisted. 

"You'll get me? As soon as she wakes up?" Not if she wakes up. He couldn't handle tha uncertainty, so it would be when. 

“Of course. Now, go, time is wasting.” The physiker hastily pushed Jean out, and closed the door behind him.

“Did they kick you out?” Locke asked, weary but clean, having come to find Jean. 

Jean was sitting outside of the physiker’s room, waiting for them to get him. 

“Yes,” He answered curtly. “You look as shit as I feel.”

“Yeah, well, battle will do that to a mighty pirate.” Locke sighed dramatically and sunk down against the wall across from Jean. 

“You are many things, Locke, but a mighty anything is not one.” 

“Now I disagree! I took out twenty Jeremite Redeemers one my first battle as a pirate! I was the first over the rail! I am mighty, and you can suck my-”

“She is awake.” The door opened, and the brief words were hardly even heard. Jean shot to his feet, sparing a glance to Locke before dashing inside. 

“Ezri!” The name passed his lips before he could even begin to think about it. 

“Jea- Jerome,” Ezri replied, her smile obviously forced. 

“Are you-”

“If you ask me if I am okay, I will find a way to kick your ass from this bed.” 

“Right, then. Go fuck yourself.” He nodded, but moved closer to her. 

“I would if I could,” She sighed dramatically, looking at the bandaged stump where her right arm used to be, cut off at the elbow and burned much further than that. “I appear to be missing a piece of much-needed equipment.”

“Well, as soon as you’re healed, I can help.” Jean offered. “I’m a charity man, after all.” 

“Gross,” Locke supplied from the doorway. 

“Shut up, Ravell, we’re busy.” Ezri pulled a face at Locke, who raised both hands and turned around, leaving them be. The physiker, sure that Jean wouldn’t somehow harm his handiwork, followed suit. 

“I’m so glad you’re alive.” Jean crumbled, a shaken sob racking his body. “I was so afraid I would lose you.”

“Hey, hey, stop that.” Ezri tried to sit up, grimacing against her burned stomach. She persevered, though she was uncomfortable. “Come here. Come here.” She beckoned him with her remaining hand. He listened, bending and grabbing her in a way of avoiding the bandages on her. She wrapped her arm around him, squeezing him as best she could. 

“I’ll be alright now. You know me.” She pushed him back by a shoulder. 

“How are you going to sail with Drakasha?” He asked, a new concern crossing his face as he wiped the tears off his face. 

“Well. . .” Her smile fell as she thought about that. “Well. . . you said you had an opening for somebody on a more relaxed boat.” 

“I did.” He nodded. 

“I suppose I’ll have to take you up on that. I’ll tell you what to do and you can be my servant.” 

“You know I’d do anything for you.” 

“Dont get all soft on me just because I almost died-”

“Ezri you almost sacrificed yourself-” Jean started, somberness in his tone that wasn’t quite anger yet.

“For a ship full of the only people I have ever cared about. I know. Please don’t tell me I was wrong.” 

“You are just like Locke.” He sighed. “Just like him. Why do I love such unbelievably self-sacrificing idiots?” 

“I’m not an idiot, Jean. All of us would have died if I hadn’t done anything. One life versus many. . .” 

“But my life means so little without you.” He nearly whispered, still staring into her eyes. 

“How could you say that? Idiot, you have Locke. You have yourself, goddamnit. You hypocrite.” She pushed at him, and even though it was weak, Jean let himself be pushed. 

“Because. . . I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m strong enough to lose you.” 

Ezri softened. “Jean, you will always be strong enough. But I will make sure that you never, never have to worry about losing me.” 

“I will always worry about losing you. But you know, trying not to sacrifice yourself is a pretty good goddamn start.”


End file.
